How to Nurture Self-Regulation in Your Child

As a parent, you’ve probably seen your fair share of temper tantrums, outbursts and unwanted behaviour from your children—don't worry, you’re not alone. While these moments often make us question why we chose to become a parent in the first place, they also provide an opportunity to educate our children on healthy self-regulation.

What Is Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation is three-fold: the regulation of the brain, emotions and actions/movement. Together, these skills help children learn to understand and manage their own behaviours and reactions, which also helps them learn how to:

• Get along with others,
• Become independent,
• Communicate effectively,
• Redirect their energies,
• Adjust to changes,
• Solve problems, and more.

Every child is different and some may be able to self-regulate easier than others. Don’t feel bad if your child is having difficulty with this—there are many ways to practice these skills. Here are five ways you can teach your child self-regulation:

1) Build A Healthy Lifestyle

We all know that lack of sleep and improper nutrition affects the body negatively. To set your child up for success, it’s important to ensure they’re getting enough sleep for their age, drinking plenty of water and have access to healthy foods. You know how you get when you’re "hangry"—don’t let that happen to your child!

2) Play Together

For those who struggle with self-regulation, daily movement can help. There are lots of games children can play to help increase these skills, like red light/green light, freeze tag, Simon says, freeze dance, duck duck goose, hide and seek, musical chairs, etc.

3) Take A Breath

Many studies show the benefits of meditation and breathing exercises. When stressed, your breathing tends to become shallow and quick. So when your child is feeling stressed, teach them to take 5-10 deep, slow breaths. There are also lots of great meditation videos on YouTube you can follow to get started.

4) Work Towards A Goal

Oftentimes children (and some adults too) live in the here and now. It’s hard to see past this exact moment into "the unknown"—especially when something good is right in front of you or the future feels intimidating. Help your child build self-regulation skills by having them work towards a goal. Do they want to make friends? Learn how to do a cartwheel? Finally champion potty-training? Whatever it is they want, help them plan the steps to accomplish their goal.

5) Acknowledge Their Struggles

I get it—regulating your brain, emotions and actions is difficult, and even more so when you’re a child. Instead of getting frustrated with your child during this time, acknowledge their frustrations and respond with empathy. Talk through the situation and discuss ways they can overcome it, perhaps offering a distraction. 

For example, if your child is annoyed by their sibling or a classmate, assess their reaction (Are they overreacting or underreacting?), and then discuss how they can move forward (Can they explain their feelings to the other person or can they distract themselves when the other person is trying to get a rise out of them?). Ensure your child understands that you’re not disappointed with their struggles. An easy way to do this is to praise them when they succeed at self-regulating.

Need more support in this area? My Building Better Connections foundational course has a whole section on how to support your child with their emotions (and support you as well). Get more information here.