Encourage Your Child to Cooperate With These 4 Tried-and-True Methods

Oh childhood⏤the blissful years when the world revolved around you and only you. And then comes the realization that this, unfortunately, isn't quite true. In fact, kids eventually start to recognize the world outside of their immediate wants and needs, grasping the importance of working together as they play with toys, go to daycare or have to mutually decide what TV show to watch.

Not only is cooperation a necessary skill in life, but it also:

• Builds empathy and trust
• Nurtures relationships
• Encourages healthy communication
• Boosts your sense of belonging
• Helps you believe in your own abilities

Just as you learned how to cooperate once upon a time, now it's your turn to teach your child.

As their most influential teacher, your child watches you communicate, cooperate and compromise with not only themselves, but your partner and other adults too. So remember, it’s up to you to set a good example!

Here are four ways you can cultivate healthy cooperation skills in your child:

Use Your Manners

Remember that cooperation is a two-way street. Like the rest of the world, simple manners go a long way. Children are more likely to cooperate when parents use magic words, like “please” and “thank you,” which can also be signed. The repetition will help your child pay extra attention to these words when they're used. But remember, don't get frustrated if your child doesn't start signing back right away—there are seven steps when transitioning from signs to words. (If you and your baby want to learn signs for these words and more, check out Sign, Say & Play!). 

Provide Positive Reinforcement

Children always want to be older, no matter what age they are. So, when your child joins in more adult-like, non-play activities (like helping you with chores or sharing with a sibling), thank them for their behaviour. Acknowledging these moments with positive reinforcement goes a long way. 

Problem-Solve Together

Sometimes all a child needs is a little nudge in the right direction. Work through problems that arise throughout the day together so your child can see alternative solutions. If your child wants to do something that you’ve already said no to (like eating candy before dinner), state the problem at hand and then offer a few solutions to choose from (like eating one or two pieces of candy after dinner or eating an apple now).

Set Limits

Don’t be afraid to make rules for your child. While cooperation is a two-way street, you’re still the parent. If there are rules your child must follow (like cleaning up their toys when they're done playing or finishing their dinner before eating dessert), explain the reason why these rules exist and stick to them. 

If you’re struggling to get your child to cooperate, know that you’re not alone. Lots of parents face this challenge with their little ones, but we can overcome this together. Try these two approaches to mitigate the situation:

1. If your child is refusing to do something, take a step back. As parents, we often forget that an important part of growing up is becoming independent. One way to help your child develop independence is to give them some power while still maintaining yours as the parent. When possible, present your child with a few acceptable choices and allow them to make the final decision. Choices like which clothes to wear that day, what snack to eat, or what their bedtime routine looks like can provide your child with just enough independence while still giving you—the parent—control over the situation.
   
   
2. If your child struggles to make decisions, decrease the number of choices you’re giving them. Providing your child with too many choices can be overwhelming, leading them to not make any. A good rule of thumb is to offer the same number of choices as the child’s age. If your child is three years old, give them three colours of popsicles to choose from; if they are two years old, let them choose two toys to sleep with.

This is just the tip of the cooperation iceberg when it comes to teaching your child. Learn more insider secrets with my foundational course for ages 0-4, Building Better Connections.