How An Insecure Attachment Style Can Impact Your Parenting

How we form bonds with our children is deeply rooted in our own attachment styles, which can sometimes interfere with our parenting. It's important to understand two common insecure attachment styles - avoidant and anxious - and how they can impact our relationships with our children. Only then can we mitigate any negative effects these attachment styles may have on our parenting.

Avoidant Attachment Style

People with an avoidant attachment style tend to shut down their emotions and avoid emotional connections with others. This can lead to a parenting style where they expect their children to only obey without questioning and get overwhelmed by too many emotions, leading to anger and meanness.

They struggle with handling their own emotions and cannot support their child in managing theirs. As a result, their children may have relationship breakdowns with them as they get older and may turn to drugs or alcohol to cope. Their children may also become unsure of themselves, unable to stand up for themselves, anxious about doing anything wrong, and people pleasers.

Anxious Attachment Style

On the other hand, people with an anxious attachment style are more likely to engage in helicopter parenting, seeking more control in parenting and struggling with change and inconsistency. They often struggle with their own self-worth and try to please others, leading to feelings of overwhelm and rage, followed by immense guilt.

They may be permissive in their parenting, wanting their children to like them and not disappoint them. However, they struggle to set limits or follow through on consequences, making their children more likely to be ego-centric and unable to cope with stresses in life. They may also turn to negative coping mechanisms such as stress eating or drugs/alcohol.

If you find yourself struggling with an insecure attachment style that is impacting your parenting, there is hope.

Building Better Connections offers support and strategies to help you change and form stronger connections with your children. Don't let your attachment style define your parenting - take the first step in creating a better future for you and your children.